YEARS IN THE MAKING: for her. for me. for you.
I began writing poems to my daughter when I first fell pregnant with her. It directed my days to have meaning, my challenges to have resolution and my joys to be recognised. For her.
Originally, I thought I would make a scrapbook for her. The container was to capture her early imprint of life from pregnancy to 3yrs as a foundation for all her patterns. As time passed, I noticed I could only really comment on my perspective as a part of her environment when she was so reliant on me. So I removed her face and kept her imprint on the pages.
The poems became more about me processing motherhood and my own inner child healing. Less about her life, more about my inner life whilst we share life. Writing, photographing, painting and editing became my medicine for making sense of the world. As soon as I labelled it work, I felt useful and dedicated time to tending to it. For me.
When we were on our road trip down South pregnant with our son in 2023, the period of my daughter’s first 3 years were almost over. And I had done nothing to collate it altogether. We camped a few nights with this beautiful family of 3 who were also on the road. And the mama was speaking about the creation of her fashion business. Sophie from Moonface Clothing said something that spoke to my heart. It wasn't the success or providership that caught me, but the creative bravery.
I went to bed that night and had a dream. I woke up the next morning and announced to my family and to Sophie’s family that I was going to publish a book. I told them all partly so I wouldn’t back out of the idea. Then and there, I thought it would take me a few months to wrap it up and print.
Well it took longer because painting, writing and editing amongst family life, wasn’t always the priority. Painting beside them proved both lovely and tricky, whilst managing to share my nice Ruco paints and her HoneySticks watercolours. Trying to not let my bub eat them, smudge our artworks, or pour the water all over us. Coordinating what parts were just for me, and where we could collaborate. Let go of control. Let go of precious. Let go of perfection. With a dash of boundaries haha.
But in the mid winter dark this year, I pressed print.
I pressed print on this book to inspire others to express their stories too. To find meaning.
I pressed print on this book to connect our shared stories, hidden and unspoken, in parenting others and ourselves. To feel together.
I pressed print on this book to show you we don’t need to be fixed or healed. To see shame.
I pressed print on this book to invite you into the mystery of the unknown. To let go.
I pressed print on this book to begin.
For you. For me. For her.
And the title.
she begins in the dark
